Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Kay's five links

Pearl harbor

I pretty like the way how the author describe on details. Such as when danny had been caught by japanese soilder and after that rafe tried to escape him. as well as the plots are very compacted. Very curious whats gonna happened in the end. also make me  easily to imagine the scene when i read them. The imagine present is very strong. in other hand,  author didnt use compliate vocabs, so they are easier to comprehend.



How deep is the ocean

What a impressive fanfiction. Author is very good at describing every movement on details as let me just could follow of her every single words to image. The images easily appeared inside of my head.  Author using casual language type to narrate for the whole story which is very relaxed. When I started reading this story, I also started curious about the ending. Author tried to make a story that totally different with the origional story which is very realistic but just a bit bored.



Frozen

I was always telling myself that jack was not dead. He would just coma to the drift to the ocean. This fanfiction made me more sure of my thought. This fanfiction is quite short but pretty consentrate to narrate what author excatly want to express. I think almost audience wouldnt like to see rose and jack separted. So author aimed to show the audience that jack could be awake as he can get the power by rose's love. After the sailor helped him, he decided to back to ocean to meet rose again...... it will have been a moment to savour.



Black Swan

First of all, i would say i love this movie. But i felt sad about the movie ending. This fanfiction is cheerful and hopeful.  When i read this fanfiction im reading  a drama script. Author naturely describing the conversation between every each characters, very image. The ending shocked me again..... still darkenss and revengeful..




Hangover

The writer was rather good at describing of the character's mentality. The storyline was good but not that surpised. some of sentences are quite long but easy to understand which is good. The origional movie is very funny. but this fanfiction is romance sense. nice try.

Hedi's Final Fanfiction


Clockwise from Top Centre: Amon, Mako, Bolin, Asami, Korra, Hiroshi and the Lieutenant



This is my final fanfiction. For those who haven't watched The Legend of Korra but are planning to, spoiler alert for everything after Episode Seven

If not, characters are:

Asami: daughter and heir to Hiroshi Sato, the founder of Future Industries and revealed to be an Equalist (a terrorist of sorts). 

Bolin: Asami's friend and Mako's brother

Mako: Asami's ex-boyfriend and Korra's current boyfriend

Korra: Asami's friend, the current Avatar (bender of all four elements) and hero of the series

General Iroh: Asami's friend and General of the United Forces Army


................................................................................................................................


Asami is lying on the floor when Bolin walks in, narrowly avoids tripping on her, catches himself but drops the tea he was carrying all over the Mecha.

“I, uh… brought you some tea. What are you doing?”

“My ribs hurt, plus it’s nice and cold down here. What are you doing?”

“Stopping terrorists. Making tea. You know. The usual.”

Asami laughs, buts cuts it short in pain. Bolin peers at her in concern.
“General Iroh said he would come back for us, but if you want I can try and earthbend you to a hospital?’

“I’ll be fine. Just bruises, I think.” She looks properly at him, noting the cuts and grazes on his face. “Right now, I doubt you could earthbend your way out of a rockslide.”

Bolin smiles. The silence is amiable, but she finds herself reliving the awfulness of the past few hours. It must show, because Bolin grips her shoulder and says, ‘You were amazing out there, Asami. You did the right thing.”

“He was my father, Bolin –”

“Fathers don’t do that to their children, Asami. Besides, you’ve got us now. Team Avatar!”

Asami is quiet for a moment, then smiles back at him.


……………………………………………………………………………………………..


The South Pole is the most beautiful, beautiful place Asami has ever visited. It’s so empty, wild and so unlike Republic City that Asami cannot bear to leave. She loves how the wind lifts the snow and makes the air visible. She loves the blazing, plentiful stars, almost tangible on her skin. She loves the warm furs Senna gave her. She loves this place, how it makes Republic City feel like nothing more than a bad dream.

“Asami?”

She whips around, relaxing when she sees Korra coming toward her. “What are you doing?”

Asami shrugs.

“Sightseeing,” she smiles wryly. “Taking in as much as I can before we have to face reality tomorrow.”

Korra frowns, almost imperceptibly, and stands beside her.

“You don’t have to come, you know.” She hesitates, but bulls ahead. “Of course we want you to, but… I know it feels like there’s not much waiting for you, but me, Bolin, Mako – we’d love to have you. And I know my parents would love to have you, too, so if you want to stay, you can, but know that you always have a home with us.”

Asami is quiet for a moment, then smiles back at her.


……………………………………………………………………………………………..

Republic City honours Korra by holding an elaborate and elegant banquet, and Asami cannot wait to leave. Town hall is decorated sumptuously and tables are overflowing with food, but it feels so inappropriate compared to the rubble and broken homes the battle has left.

General Iroh sits next to her, and noticing her scowl, attempts to cheer her up.

“Miss Sato, when will I finally have the chance to race against you? I hear you’re the best driver in the city!”

“Considering the entire Sato Estate has been seized until further notice, don’t your breath,” Asami snaps, but immediately feels guilty. Iroh has been nothing but nice to her, and it’s not his fault. “Sorry. I’m not – I just don’t want to be here.”

“Understandable,” Iroh nods, “It’s difficult time, but the people need a bit of festivity right now. Would you care to join me for a walk?”

They wander out to the gardens, and Iroh impresses Asami with his knowledge of Satomobiles. They chat, and after a short silence Iroh says, “If you ever feel sick of Republic City, you are most welcome in the Fire Nation.”

Asami is quiet for a moment, then smiles back at him.



……………………………………………………………………………………………


The podium is cold against her fingertips and, not for the first time, Asami wonders if what she is doing is right. The microphone crackles faintly and she can feel hundreds of eyes staring at her, judging, wondering if she too will betray them and run the company into the ground.

“Thank you all for coming here today. There has been much to do in Republic City, and I appreciate that you have waited patiently for our doors to reopen.

I cannot thank you enough for your loyalty to Future Industries, and I will not let gossip and scaremongering destroy this company further.

I will not lie to you: Hiroshi Sato was a prominent Equalist, and supplied them with many if not all of their weapons. With my permission, the Sato Estate has been searched and all artilleries and designs have been destroyed. Their constructors are in custody. Future Industries has been purged of all association with the Equalists.

As your new CEO, I will raise Future Industries higher that it has ever been before. I will not let you down.”

The crowd – her staff, now – are quiet for a moment, but applause begins and does not stop. Asami smiles. 




Hedi's Fanfiction Draft

My fanfiction is going to be on Avatar: The Legend of Korra.

My aim is to make it a quadruple double-drabble (did I just make that up? probably.) which means that it will be eight hundred words exactly, composed of four scenes which are two hundred words apiece.

.....................................................................................................................................

Hedi's Five Fanfiction Links

tergiversation by Ivory Muse

This fanfic is from Asami's POV, after the Season One finale, when Asami overhears Mako's confession of love for Korra. Asami is feeling lonely, bitter and maybe a bit betrayed after everything she has done for them, and this fic is basically just Asami's introspection and her feelings towards Mako and their messy break-up.

What makes this fic work is that it is written really well, and despite portraying Asami as bitter and angry, is does so in a way that is believable and doesn't seem out of character. It is written in the third person, focusing solely on Asami's thoughts, so doesn't have any interaction with other characters and it doesn't really have a plot, so I think the main reason this works is because it is so believable.




Fixing You Songfic by Mournless

This is a songfic based around Bolin and Asami's supposed broken-ness at the end of season one, where Mako and Korra are allegedly happy and in love and ignoring their friends. Asami and Bolin are sad and wallowing around and crying and then somehow miraculously fall into some kind of deeper friendship but not love and are cured of their desperation. All to the sound of Coldplay.

First off, the formatting is awful. The lyrics are italicised which is great, but everything is single spaced which is really hard on the eye. Especially towards the end where it is mostly lyrics and then one line of story - it's really difficult to see the story if you're attempting to avoid reading the lyrics. Also there is no dialogue, everything just happens with searing looks and hugs-while-kneeling, which sounds really uncomfortable. In fact, nothing actually happens. Asami and Bolin cry and then hug it out and that's it really. We aren't granted an in depth view to their feelings, just told how sad they are and how awkward everything is suddenly. Last of all, Bolin is nothing like Bolin from the TV show, he is just like some random completely out of character person that the author just threw in there. Like Mournless thought, 'I need a really gloomy and depressing character, but I don't want to create my own so I will just chuck Bolin's name on it and call it a day." It makes me sad because Bolin got shafted in the series and doesn't deserve to also be shafted in the fanfiction universe too. 1/10 would not read again.




Acquired by slacktension

slacktension describes this as 'missing scenes from life in the Southern Water Tribe - Mako, Bolin, and Asami try their best to integrate into Korra's family.' This occurs in the last episode as well as some time after, when the group leaves the South Pole and heads back to Republic City. It details how Mako and Bolin, who grew up as street urchins, and Asami, motherless and recently abandoned by her father (who turned out to be murderous and 2IC to the series' villian) are taken in by Korra's parents.

 This story is done so well. Everything is perfect. Everyone is in character, it is well written, beautifully presented, everything is feasible and believable. Even the minorest of minor characters, Tonraq and Senna, are written in a way that is consistent with what the audience knows about them - which isn't much, considering they got about 30 seconds of screen time throughout the whole season. And slacktension even got the names right, despite them only being referred to as 'Korra's parents' on the show - clearly the author has done his/her research. This fic details how Mako, Bolin and Asami deal with having parental figures, how they all overcome their family issues. It's just done so so so well.




Ink Stains by halfway-to-forever00

This is a future fic which takes place at least five years after the season one finale. Bolin is failing at the Metalbending Police Academy due to his illiteracy, and Asami helps him learn to write and thus graduate.

This story is also done really well. As it takes place five years in the future, the author has given them jobs that would make sense for the characters - Bolin studying at Police Academy, Asami taking over her father's company, Korra off saving the world, Mako working at 'the plant' which is probably the plant that Asami owns. She's also kept them in character, like Mako working double shifts to take care of his brother as his scholarship isn't enough, Korra picking Bolin up at his graduation. It's also well formatted with the time-breaks and scene shifts, no spelling or grammatical errors. The plot is probably a little bit thin and not quite enough to disguise the fact that it is a blatent excuse to get Asami and Bolin together, but it is just fluff and the cheesiness is not overwhelming.

 


The Love of Bosami by  DCLWLOKPR44424

 Well. This story is about how Bolin and Asami get together. A one sentence synopsis could be: Bolin and Asami watch their friends make out, then walk around an island, then kiss and then live happily ever after. Actually that one sentence I just wrote is probably a better story than the story itself.

This is probably the worse fanfiction ever. Ever ever ever. DCLWLOKPR44424 says it is her first fic, and you can really tell. It is poorly spelled, poorly worded, poorly paragraphed, and a poor portrayal of characters. Here is an excerpt:

"hey Asami want to go for a walk?" asked Bolin
"Sure" said Asami they walked around the island talking about their favorite stuff to do and laughing.

I count seven grammatical mistakes in those two sentences. Was it two sentences? Because there sure as hell wasn't enough punctuation in there. And that's just grammar! Don't even get me started on the storyline. This fic would be an example of what not to write. There is no point to this story at all. I don't even know why you would publish this. Surely not because you are anticipating rave reviews?

Stacie's final fan fiction

Tonight

Time is never time at all. That’s what he said to me. I don’t even know what he meant, he just sauntered of the way he does when he says something questionable. Fuck.

He had another gig for us. “Just one more” He pleaded. Pathetic brown eyes digging at my heart as he lay on my chest. I exhaled, exhaled my frustration into his face. He knew I hated the work, the business, the industry. ‘You can never ever  leave without leaving a piece of youth’ I shuddered as the thought crawled through my entirety. This is what I do, have done, what I know. Our lives are forever changed. Rewind.

The asshole, my asshole had this “brilliant” idea. I loved the way he bubbled over when he was excited or inspired. He explained, he wanted us to perform. Exhibit. We’d always been like this. We say adventurous. Others, well, others think we might be a little crazy. Maybe.

“It’s just, I have this friend, and I owe him a favor”

Okay… Internally cringing, externally blank, whilst I listened.

“Go on...”

“He owns this club downtown. Down downtown”

This was bad. I watched as his face contradicted his cheerful tone. My mind was mulling through all his possible friends, maybe, friend was a euphemism…

“So what is this ‘club’” I braced myself.

“Tisafetishcluby’know”

I choked on my beer trying to decipher his gibberish. He looked at me expectantly. A brief silence as I swallowed the idea down with my warm beer. I stared at the rim. Gah! Rim. I’ll never look at a rim the same.  Nothing. Nothing will be the same. We will never be the same. My mind has already jumped to these conclusions. I haven’t even agreed yet, well not at least to him. Quite clearly I was having lash fantasies of being bound and gagged for the world to enjoy. Well at least I assume that’s what he means by performing at a fetish club…

Over time I found that with performing the more you change the less you feel. I didn’t anticipate that, I figured that, if anything I would feel everything so much more. Our relationship intensified tenfold. Apparently not.

We discussed it for a little while longer, debating over who puts what in where, y’know, the usual. We finally decided on something a little more standard for our taste. Rope work. I could handle that. Sean put his boy scout days to good use, his knots are infallible. Not that I would struggle against them anyway.  The moment he brings out the rope, my body begins to succumb to the way he slowly wraps the bonds in and around me. Something so standard being put to use by someone so skilled. No, wait it’s not even being put to use as such, it’s more like… When he starts binding me he puts himself in it, every tightening moment, every slight bruise on the inside of my thigh, a tug underneath my breast, is him, not the rope.

On our opening night, I was a little panicky. Stroking my hair he was calmly mumbling “Believe, believe in me, believe” Surprisingly soothing for how cheesy it was. I still wasn’t sure if I was ready, I know how he says it’s for a friend, but it’s for him as well he wants this. So the last thing I want is to disappoint him. I think that’s what I’m the most concerned about, not the public forum in which I will be showcasing my innermost sexuality, but disappointing my best friend.

That life can change, that you’re not stuck in vain
We’re not the same, were different tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight

The words circled around the room amongst the chattering of closet deviants… Tugging at the heavy velvet that divided us and them, I saw a swarm of dim colors and faces. Peeking into the crowd, I felt his warm breath chill down the back of my neck “It’s gonna be okay baby. I’m nervous too and you know you’re never sure, but I’m sure you’ll be great.” “But I’m sure you could be right I don’t doubt you are but still though. Fuck” And to think I’m normally so good with words.

The song came to an end and an epic man waltzed through the crowd and stepped onto the stage, a surprisingly normal entrance for such an abnormal club. “If you held yourself up to the light” He began as the crowd adjusted themselves, “What do you think you would see? The embers never fade? Would you see your life, your house, your wife in your city by the lake? Would you see the place where you were born? Well tonight ladies and gentlemen… I give to you a couple who has held themselves there, and wish to show you what they saw.

Believe, believe in me, believe. The mantra paced its way to and fro across my thoughts, once and for all.

In the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe there’s not a chance tonight
Tonight, so bright,
Tonight
We’ll crucify the insincere tonight
We’ll make things right, we’ll feel it all tonight
We’ll find a way to offer up the night, tonight
The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight.

The song ended.

Stacie's fan fiction draft


Tonight

Time is never time at all. That’s what he said to me. I don’t even know what he meant, he just sauntered of the way he does when he says something questionable. Fuck.

He had another gig for us. “Just one more” He pleaded. Pathetic brown eyes digging at my heart as he lay on my chest. I exhaled, exhaled my frustration into his face. He knew I hated the work, the business, the industry. ‘You can never ever  leave without leaving a piece of youth’ I shuddered as the thought crawled through my entirety. This is what I do, have done, what I know. Our lives are forever changed. Rewind.

The asshole, my asshole had this “brilliant” idea. I loved the way he bubbled over when he was excited or inspired. He explained, he wanted us to perform. Exhibit. We’d always been like this. We say adventurous. Others, well, others think we might be a little crazy. Maybe.

“It’s just, I have this friend, and I owe him a favour”

Okay… Internally cringing, externally blank, whilst I listened.

“Go on..”

“He owns this club downtown. Down downtown”

This was bad. I watched as his face contradicted his cheerful tone. My mind was mulling through all his possible friends, maybe friend was a euphemism…

“So what is this ‘club’” I braced myself.

“Tisafetishcluby’know”

I choked on my beer trying to decipher his gibberish. He looked at me expectantly. A brief silence as I swallowed the idea down with my warm beer. I stared at the rim. Gah! Rim. I’ll never look at a rim the same.  Nothing. Nothing will be the same. We will never be the same. My mind has already jumped to these conclusions. I haven’t even agreed yet, well not at least to him. Quite clearly I was having lash fantasies of being bound and gagged for the world to enjoy. Well at least I assume that’s what he means by performing at a fetish club…

Over time I found that with performing the more you change the less you feel. I didn’t anticipate that, I figured that, if anything I would feel everything so much more. Our relationship intensified tenfold. Apparently not.


Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Sam's Fan Fiction Draft

Title: Leaving For Decency

Tooby looked around Fraggle Rock. Everyone loved this place and many in the human world would kill to be there instead of fighting the wars outside of it. The way of speaking was obscene, the dream sharing was ridiculous and everyday the would sing the theme song

''Dance your cares away. Worry's for another day. Let the music. Down at fraggle rock. Work your cares away. Dancings for anotehr day. Let the fraggles play. We're Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Goober, Red. Dance your cares away. Worry's for another day. Let the music play. Down at fraggle rock. Down at fraggle rock. Down at fraggle rock.''

One fter the theme song goober ran up to him and asked

''Hey Tooby!''

''Greetings goober, how is one on another day in the rock of fraggle''

''Haha your funny. Are you going to come dream share with us later?''

''My dreams are too big for a mind for the minds of stitch that exist around me.''

''Isn't today a wonderful day''

''Not really, we are all still made of cloth and have colourful hair that I cannot change into a decent one''

Tooby did not get the attention that Boober, Gobo or Mokey received. Not that he wanted that. He was inspired by the human world. And desired to work out of in the human world, perhaps as a carpenter, perhaps a man in an office, perhaps working in a bank. Toobies favourite word was ''decent''. He wanted a decent human life, with a decent wife, decent sex, decent food, decent clothes, decent holidays and so and so forth.

Tooby never told other fraggle about this and never took part in the dream sharing sessions.

One day Tooby woke up with a desire to make his dreams come true. Out of the hole they lived in was a man and his dog that was by a lighthouse. Tooby could escape the hole and run for his life, or he could talk to the man outside with his dog and ask him for help.

Tooby grabbed a fraggle cookie and ran out of the rock before anyone could see him and start singing. He ran for the hole to find the dog sleeping as well as the man on the chair. Tooby pulled on the mans pants but it did not work. So he climbed up his pants and reached into his wallet here he found some money.

Tooby ran out of the house which was by the ocean. He ran until he found a bus stop.
What would the bus driver think if he saw him. Would he treat him normally? Perhaps he would not even see him.

The bus arrived and the door opened. Tooby looked at the bus driver. His muppet eyes went behind his head in awe

''Do you wish to ride this bus, sir''

''Yes, please''

Tooby climbed up the steps of the bus. And put his money forth (a fifty dollar bill). The bus driver looked down at the money and smiled

''You can ride the bus for free sir. I'm not going to bother breaking that up''

Tooby smiled and climbed up the steps getting his sitiched together hands dirty. He walked down the aisle of the bus and looked for a seat, they were all taken except for one. Tooby approached it and looked up to see a gentleman sitting down with a newspaper.

''Excuse me sir, could you lift me up onto the seat. I am afraid I am too small to get up myself''

The gentleman looked down and smiled. He picked Tooby up and placed him on the seat next to him.

''Rather a bother these seats don't you''

This kind of statement gave Tooby shivers of excitement

''Oh yes, I must admit this is my first time riding the bus''

''Is that so. Could one assume you are from out of town.''

''I am indeed. I do hope to famliarise myself with the town more. Get myself a decent haircut and outfit''

''Well I manage a bank and we are always looking for people of decency. Are you good with numbers?''

''The best where I come from. While everybody else wants to dance and dream, bunch of puppets''

''Yes, well let me bring you in for an interview. It seems you need a helping hand which is what banks are always here for.''

Tooby was very excited by this. This is what he had always wanted.

''That is most generous of you. Where is your bank located''

''I'm going there now, the next stop