My aim is to make it a quadruple double-drabble (did I just make that up? probably.) which means that it will be eight hundred words exactly, composed of four scenes which are two hundred words apiece.
.....................................................................................................................................
Asami is lying on the floor when Bolin
walks in, narrowly avoids tripping on her, catches himself but drops the tea he
was carrying all over the Mecha.
“I, uh… brought you some tea. What are you
doing?”
“My ribs hurt, plus it’s nice and cold down
here. What are you doing?”
“Stopping terrorists. Making tea. You know.
The usual.”
Asami laughs, buts cuts it short in pain.
Bolin peers at her in concern.
“General Iroh said he would come back for us,
but if you want I can try and earthbend you to a hospital?’
“I’ll be fine. Just bruises, I think.” She
looks properly at him, noting the cuts and grazes on his face. “Right now, I doubt
you could earthbend your way out of a rockslide.”
Bolin smiles. The silence is amiable, but
she finds herself reliving the awfulness of the past few hours. It must show,
because Bolin grips her shoulder and says, ‘You were amazing out there, Asami. You
did the right thing.”
“He’s my only family, Bolin –”
“Families don’t do that to each other,
Asami. Besides, you’ve got us now. Team Avatar!”
Asami is quiet for a moment, then smiles
back at him.
................................................................................................................................
Republic City honours Korra by holding an
elaborate and elegant banquet, and Asami cannot wait to leave. Town hall is
decorated sumptuously and tables are overflowing with food, but it feels so inappropriate compared to the rubble and
broken homes the battle has left.
General Iroh sits next to her, and noticing
her scowl, attempts to cheer her up.
“Miss Sato, when will I finally have the
chance to race against you? I hear you’re the best driver in the city!”
“Considering the entire Sato Estate has
been seized until further notice, don’t your breath,” Asami snaps, but
immediately feels guilty. Iroh has been nothing but nice to her, and it’s not
his fault. “Sorry. I’m not – I just don’t want to be here.”
“Understandable,” Iroh nods, “It’s
difficult time, but the people need a bit of festivity right now. Would you
care to join me for a walk?”
They wander out to the gardens, and Iroh impresses
Asami with his knowledge of Satomobiles. They chat, and after a short silence
Iroh says, “If you ever feel sick of Republic City, you are most welcome in the
Fire Nation.”
Asami is quiet for a moment, then smiles
back at him.
The South Pole is the most beautiful, beautiful place Asami has ever
visited. It’s so empty, wild and so
unlike Republic City that Asami cannot bear to leave. She loves how the wind
lifts the snow and makes the air visible. She loves the blazing, plentiful stars,
almost tangible on her skin. She loves the warm furs Senna gave her. She loves
this place, how it makes Republic City feel like nothing more than a bad dream.
“Asami?”
She whips around, relaxing when she sees Korra coming toward her. “What
are you doing?”
Asami shrugs.
“Sightseeing,” she smiles wryly. “Taking in as much as I can before
we have to face reality tomorrow.”
Korra frowns, almost imperceptibly, and stands beside her.
“You don’t have to come, you know.” She hesitates, but bulls ahead.
“Of course we want you to, but… I know it feels like there’s not much waiting
for you, but me, Bolin, Mako – we’d love to have you. And I know my parents
would love to have you, too, so if you want to stay, you can, but know that you
always have a home with us.”
Asami is quiet for a moment, then smiles back at her.
................................................................................................................................
One more scene to go go go, what will happen neeeeext?
I definitely like where it's going. Well written, flows in your head while you read it.
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly for your feedback =)
DeleteLoved it, really looking forward to where this is going to go. But only eight hundred words? Make it a thousand please! This is my way of saying I really liked it and am excited to read more. It seems you have chosen a text you know very well or have found only recently and given it great attention.
ReplyDeleteSince you have decided to only make it only eight hundred words I wonder who you will able to do a fan fiction on such a big text and make it work. Since this worked I am sure you final draft will though
Well Done
Sam
Thanks for your feedback Sam. I have stuck with 800 words sorry, but the final is posted now if you would like to read it =) I think the main reason 800 words can work with such a big text is because there is storyline, but it is never explicitly stated (if it helps, a title I was tossing around was 'Four Times Asami Found a Family'), plus each scene takes place at a different time and shows interactions between different characters. Feel free to write feedback for the final as well if you want =) Thanks again.
Delete